


You'll always be my last

by laDouleurExquise



Category: Teen Wolf (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Deep Conversations, Derek Hale is Bad at Feelings, Fluff and Angst, Friendship, Friendship/Love, Ignores the last 2 seasons, Love sucks, M/M, Soulmates, Stiles Stilinski Being an Idiot, Stiles Stilinski is Derek Hale's Anchor, anchor
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-04-14
Updated: 2017-04-14
Packaged: 2018-10-18 20:11:31
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,268
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10624281
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/laDouleurExquise/pseuds/laDouleurExquise
Summary: There was something heart-warming about Stiles’ naiveté and backwards effort to take care of him. He was a good friend.Well.He was more than that.





	

Stiles had been thinking a lot about _it_ recently. Obsessively even. He couldn’t understand why, but lately he had been thinking day and night about what exactly _love_ was.

Yes, love - the abstract concept that baffled humanity since the start of time. And maybe that’s why he had become ridden with insanity over it – because he just could not figure it out. And if there’s one thing that he knew about himself, is that things that did not have a straight up answer demanded his devotion.

So, as his nature had dictated, he began researching it. And boy, were there answers, but none worthy of his intellect. Scientifically wise, it was quite easy to understand – bunch of chemicals that made you drunk with happiness. Fair enough. He can have the same high from 3 bars of chocolate. Not impressive.

Emotionally wise, it was both simple and complex, but he could still wrap his head around it. Human closure, self-worth validation, understanding, respect – all factors that played the same tune of “this person makes me happy, I love it”. And honestly, he had felt like a dick, but it was in that moment that he decided that love is selfish. You love that one person that makes you happy. You love them because of how they make _you_ feel. C’yeah right. Some fundamental emotion that life revolves around.

Naturally, Lydia and Allison had come to mind as the honorable First Love embodiments. He refrained from judging Allison from Scott’s point of view, as he quite maturely agreed with himself that it was not his business. Puppy love was too much of a puerile subject for him anyway.

But Lydia was another story. He had admitted that yeah no, indeed, a crush does not equal love. The illusion of who a person is and the subsequent falling in love with said fairytale is quite perverted if he thought about it in hindsight. But after reality struck and he got to know Lydia, he still loved her and that had to count for something, right?

Unabashed, Stiles had realized that he used Lydia as a subject for the majority of his real life examples, but then again, she was the only one. Give him a break. Regardless, it hadn’t been much of a help, except cementing that platonic love, while still powerful and essential, was quite pure and straightforward. No sexual, lusty, erotic strings dirtying it.

Because sex was another thing, but not really. His skepticism had only deepened as he read various articles on “The Psychology of Sex”. A good sex life is imperative to a good loving relationship. Or better said – the intimacy plays a massive role in bringing two people closer together. That he could respect, but the matter at hand should be more palpable than that poetic bullshit. And let’s be real, sex was more of a basic need, rather than a ‘loving relationship’, hence why Stiles squinted his eyes even more at the whole big love concept. He had met couples that only talked about how amazing sex was, but that scored 0 on the ‘Communication’ board. And what did that tell Stiles? That people were selfish. And that sex not only complicates things, but blinds the masses.  

_‘In search of True Love: Finding your Soulmate’_

Stiles had rolled his eyes at the blog title that promoted the book with the same name, but indulged the author by clicking on the ‘Read More’ button. He was after all, utterly desperate and open to anything at that point.

Only the first chapter had been available as a preview – _Thank the lord_ , Stiles muttered under his breath – and as he superficially skimmed through it, already sure that it was all bullcrap anyway, a certain paragraph grabbed his attention.

_‘A soulmate is not always the person that you fall in love with, nor the person that you end up spending your life with. A soulmate is more of a kindred spirit, someone whose presence in one’s mind and life reigns over time. Someone’s whose presence is eternal.’_

Stiles had furrowed his eyebrows and re-read the small paragraph over and over again. It was cheesy with more cheese on the side, but Stiles got the message behind it and he couldn’t help but silently agree with the author.

A soulmate could be something else than one’s true love. While true love encompassed the soulmate concept, vice versa was a completely different ball game.

Stiles had sat back in his chair, crossed his arms, and stared at his screen with a mad grin on his face. It wasn’t ground-breaking, but it was a new perspective. One that would help him continue his quest.

(Stiles had been very bored okay).

* * *

 

 

Stiles all but made a dent in Derek’s loft door as he unceremoniously slid it open on its hinges until it rattled against the wall. The noise would have startled Derek from his reading, had he not heard the Jeep’s breaks screeching into the trash cans earlier.

“Stiles,” he acknowledged, not bothering to look up, though his fingers were already on their way to dog-ear the page he was on. 

Stiles clapped his hands together and made his way down the stairs.

“Derek, I’m a man on a mission,” he announced as he marched to the armchair in front of his friend. He plopped down, his face riddled with mischief, waiting for Derek’s full attention before hitting him with life changing facts.

The older man took his time as he neatly folded the corner of his page, closed the book in a most pristine manner, and put it on the table in perfect alignment with his other manuscripts. He could feel Stiles crackling with energy, absolutely dying to give him news that he was sure he would find ridiculously unnecessary. But Derek had time and carefully harvested patience when it came to Stiles nowadays.

Finally, he looked up at Stiles and smiled with faux-innocence. “I see no man, but please, do amaze me”.

Stiles rolled his eyes but his excitement was not frivolous. “So I’ve been researching love, right?”

“Why?” Derek couldn’t help but interrupt his counterpart. Not that he had something against “love”, but he was pretty sure “love” had something against him. It was all nonsense anyway. Who even wrote about “love”?

“Because it’s a _mystery_ , Derek,” Stiles flailed his hands around in what he thought was a mystical manner.

“It’s really not though.”

Stiles squinted his eyes and sat still for the first time that day. Derek felt it before it came.

“Okay then. What _is_ love, Derek?” he challenged. He really hadn’t expected a two sided conversation on _love_ of all things. But if anything, it was a clear sign that Stiles was meant to see it to an end.

For his part, Derek rolled his eyes and made a noncommittal sound, clearly not wanting to be bothered with the question. “You _are_ aware that I’m not the person that you should be asking this.”

“Spare me the spoilers, Derek. You just said that love is not a mystery. Hence, you have an opinion on it. Spit it out,” Stiles waved dismissively at Derek’s poor ass excuses.

His knees were bouncing up and down in anticipation, and Derek felt a violent urge to chuck his book at Stiles’ head. He settled for a dramatic sigh.

"Love is when you think another person is good for you,” he half-assed mumbled, just for the sake of getting somewhere. If he knew Stiles – which he did – they were going to be stuck rambling nonsense until midnight.

The latter immediately made a noise that would be best described as highly satisfied. Derek wondered if there was an argument that he had missed, because Stiles seemed to think that he just won it.

“So you love a person because they’re good for you. Therefore, they make your life better. Therefore, love is selfish,” Stiles concluded, clearly content with himself.

Derek immediately opened his mouth to retaliate. His knee reaction was to argue, but then again that was his default setting when it came to Stiles. He found himself quickly closing it when he realized that – well, he was not against that.

So he replied simply, “Yeah”.  

If Stiles was disappointed with the lack of any debate, his face did not give anything away.

“So you agree that love is a selfish act,” he confirmed as he leaned back in the armchair, crossing his arms.

Derek watched his friend closely, full to the brim of skepticism. He soon reached the conclusion that this was in fact a trap. Stiles had something up his sleeve he was sure. It was nearly impossible that they had just agreed on something. He mulled over his answer for a few seconds, squinting his eyes at Stiles.

He was calm.

Too calm.

“I wouldn’t say that love is a completely selfish act, no, but at the end of the day, it is a give-and-take relationship. And if there’s no ‘take’, then I guess one of the parties is bound to be disappointed,” he chose to answer safely, shrugging.

Stiles hummed in response, leaving his eyes roam the loft in front of him. He was deep in thought all of a sudden and Derek’s _Stiles-is-about-to-do-something-stupid_ alarms went all over the place.

The younger man cleared his throat after a few seconds though, and his eyes found Derek’s again. “So basically, love is more like a contract between two or, well, more people. And if one of them breaks it, then boom. It goes to shit.”

Mildly baffled, Derek mirrored Stiles’ position, slowly falling back against the couch. It’s been banter up until that moment – Derek hadn’t even really followed their conversation. He’d figured their back and forth was best put under the daily Stiles random trivia. But this? Stiles seemed genuinely concerned with the whole “love” thing, like it was a life or death matter and he was the bearer of the solution. Not only that, but that cold approach to what is considered a fundamental feeling was alarmingly worrisome. Hell, even Derek was more emotional than that.

“That’s a bit harsh, don’t you think?” Derek chose to go along with that thread of conversation. He knew Stiles well enough to not expect an answer to what would be a blunt question about some deeper (emotional) issue.

“Oh come on, Derek,” Stiles boomed as he threw his hands up, “we’re both realistic people here. Are you really telling me that you believe in love as this pure emotion that is born out of complete and utter devotion for another person? There are millions of couples out there, but none for the right reason. Human nature is selfish,” he spit the word out. “All I’m trying to say is that love is just a name for something that is felt for another being that makes you happy.”

“I’m not sure who you’re trying to convince,” Derek replied unimpressed with that whole bashing parade.

“ _Derek_.”

The hilarity of the situation didn’t go unnoticed by Derek. It felt like their roles were suddenly switched and Stiles was the one getting irritated. That made the older man just want to push his buttons even more. He suddenly understood Stiles’ constant need to annoy people. It _was_ funny. But he also knew how it was to be on the other receiving end, so he cut the younger man some slack.

“I’m just failing to see the reason why you’re so keen on proving that love is not a real thing.”

Stiles narrowed his eyes. “Why are _you_ defending it all of a sudden? You just agreed that it’s selfish. Plus-“, he pointed at Derek, “you don’t have the cleanest love record yourself, buddy.”

“So what? Doesn’t mean that it’s not real. _You_ said it yourself, there are a lot of couples out there.”

“I said couples, not _love_!” Stiles retailed indignantly.

“Point stands. Some people get it, some don’t. Stop being a crybaby about it and accept it.”

Stiles huffed, looking torn between throwing a fit and pouting in mock offence – both of which would prove Derek’s point. And there will be no points proven today except his.

“So now it’s luck thing? Love is up to luck?” he passively aggressively asked Derek.

To his credit, the werewolf remained patient. “Call it destiny, sure, why not.”

Stiles was boiling, looking on the verge of screaming in frustration, but he tried hard to keep it in. Derek of course noticed and did not make one effort to keep his grin at bay. He was enjoying this. Even though he didn’t even really know what the point of the argument was, seeing Stiles rattled by this nonsense was another type of pleasure.

Finally, Stiles gave up and just sort of screeched. His hands found his hair and he made a tornado out of what used to be perfectly combed soft hair. He sat up and started pacing around the loft. Derek sat back and enjoyed the show.

“Derek, okay, look,” he resumed his speech, turning back to his companion, “love is one of the biggest, most important things in one’s life correct?”

Derek wanted to comment, but he just nodded instead. As fun as it was, Stiles really needed to reach his point sometime soon. Plus, Derek was on the edge of his seat.

He really was. No joke.

“And it’s supposed to be this pure thing, it’s supposed to be the essence of life or whatever. And yet, if we analyze it, it all boils down to the human nature being greedy. Doesn’t it bother you that since the start of time, all of us have been lying to ourselves?” Stiles ended with a tired huff. Like it was all finally out in the open, and the weight of his little speech was harder to digest in reality than it was in his head.

Derek just looked at Stiles – really looked at him this time. They were staring at each other: Stiles full of intent, trying to compel Derek to understand him, and Derek searching for a real motive behind all of this because honestly? He didn’t know how to approach this anymore and it seemed highly unlikely that Stiles really cared about humanity that much. The guy was still morally questionable, and that’s excluding the time he went on a murder rampage.

So Derek leaned forward on his elbows, patting the space next to him on the couch. Stiles looked at the couch, then at Derek, then at the couch again like it personally offended him.  

But he resigned eventually and quietly made his way around the table and sat next to his friend. If Stiles reflected on himself for a moment, he would agree that his behavior was a bit crazy. I mean, crazy was ordinary for him, but he did have to admit – to himself _at least_ – that there was something nagging him, something deep inside at the very back of his head. _It_ was there, scratching, clawing, wanting to be let out. But Stiles has been doing a great job keeping it caged for years. He’ll be damned if he breaks down now. _And_ with Derek of all people.

When the younger man continued to be silent for almost a full minute, Derek cleared his throat.

“Why does it affect you so much, Stiles?”

Blunt or no blunt, they had to get somewhere.

The latter scratched the back of his head, before letting it fall against the couch and closing his eyes. He used to trust Derek with his inability to read people or talk about feelings. Derek was his safe space because Derek never asked, never judged, but he was always there for him. He trusted Derek, he really did. He would die for Derek. But this? This was such a different side to their dynamic that it left Stiles aimless.

But maybe it was a good thing.

“I don’t know,” he started almost shyly. “I guess it’s mainly because I never experienced it and that’s why I can’t understand it. And it’s weird to not understand something that’s virtually everywhere – books, music, movies, real life. I see it all around me, like seriously dude, everyone that we know seems to be in a relationship, have you noticed? It’s like everyone somehow finds someone to share this big love thing with. Like stop bragging about your fake emotions, am I right?” he added with a dry chuckle.

Derek’s eyebrows shot up. “All I hear is you being salty about people being happy.” He paused for a second. “Are you not happy with your own life, Stiles?”

At that, Stiles bolted up straight and all but shoved a finger in Derek’s eye. “But don’t you see? That’s just _it,_ Derek! People revolve their lives around love, around this feeling that’s supposed to make everything worth it. They depend on it to be happy. And for what? So that they can later suffer and regret everything? It’s not real, Derek.”

To his credit, Derek didn’t flinch, but he did slowly lean back and move Stiles’ finger to the side. They say you shouldn’t startle wild animals.

“Right. Not that I’m a fan of indulging you-“

“Yet you always do.”

“-but maybe you shouldn’t see your worth in a relationship. And besides, to my knowledge you never even had your heart broken. And do not bring Lydia into this.”

Stiles scoffed and settled back against the couch. He crossed his arms, looking like the spit image of a 5 year old. “I don’t know man. Maybe that’s just it - if you don’t have anyone in your life, you’re not worth it. Like you’re not good enough.”

“You’re still young though.”

“But that’s not the point. I don’t think I want to be in love.”

“Yet here you are moaning about how no one loves you.”

“Dude, it’s not that. What bothers me is this social construct that you have to be in a relationship in order to be happy.”

“Well aren’t you?”

“What, happy? Of course I am. I have friends and a parental figure. Everyone is healthy. Hell, we didn’t get blood on our shirts in almost a year. Things are good.”

Derek squinted his eyes at Stiles.

“On the outside.”

Stiles stared at Derek, looking confused but also on the brick of fighting him.

“On the outside of what?” he asked carefully.

Derek smirked. “I mean things are good on the outside. But if you look deep inside you, do you feel satisfied?”

Stiles didn’t answer because he didn’t know what to say. He got where Derek was going with this, but he wasn’t ready to admit even to himself that maybe the answer to that question was simply ‘hell no’. Because if he said that, it would beg the question, ‘why not?’ Which would ultimately maybe probably most likely result in the inevitable proclamation of ‘I am lonely’. Why was human nature not self-sufficient?

Stiles tried to hide behind the fact that he was indeed young and maybe raging hormones were not the best of allies. He opened his mouth numerous times to try to give a neutral answer, but he knew that Derek would see right through his lies. Werewolf powers aside, Stiles wanted to believe that he and Derek were close enough that the older man would see right through him.

“Do you feel satisfied with your life, Derek?” he chose to ask instead. There, dodged a bullet.  

At that, Derek actually burst into laughter. “So you barge into my house because you’re having an existential crisis, and then you want _me_ to talk about my private life?”

Stiles moaned, “Oh come on, Derek. What private life? We all know you had a shitty life.”

“Then why are you asking me if I’m satisfied with it?” he snapped back.

“Because you’re still here. Dealing with it. Every day. And I’ll go as far as to say that you’re pretty content with it nowadays. I don’t know how you do it, but you pull through it every time. So maybe the question is, _how_ are you satisfied with your life?”

Derek didn’t know how they got to this. Talking about himself has never been a thing. It’s not like Stiles was a stranger, but it felt weird bearing his emotions and thoughts just like that. He knew Stiles cared about him and he felt how the younger man would sometimes even go out of his way to make sure that he was okay, and Derek appreciated that more than he would ever admit out loud. Stiles had been there for most of the shitty things that happened to him, which is why he couldn’t understand how he could see his life as even remotely satisfying.

“Stiles, look, I wouldn’t say that I’m satisfied, no. But then again, no one is. It’s not something to be ashamed of. We’re never really truly content with what we have. We always want more, because we always feel like something is lacking. And perhaps that’s why people are thirsty for ‘love’ – because loneliness is an ugly thing. But as you said, you have people that care about you and one day you’re also gonna experience this – quote unquote – amazing love.”

“That’s all fine and dandy Dr. Oz, but if love means depending on someone else to be happy, then no thank you. I’ll be happy to stay alone for the rest of my life. I mean look at you, you’re doing great,” he said with a wink.

He was trying to ease them into a more light-hearted conversation again, Derek could see that, but for some reason, it still bugged him that Stiles was stuck with that mentality. Idiot or not, he was still a young man who was just now supposed to enter the emotional roller-coaster of life. Everyone should live the dream for a bit, no matter how hopeless it was.

He wasn’t sure if he should engage into convincing him or just let it go, so he just settled for nudging Stiles in the ribs and leaning in to pretend-whisper, “Don’t worry, once you find a girl or a guy, they’re gonna be so charmed by your rebelliousness that they’re gonna stick around just to prove you wrong.” 

Stiles laughed in an almost hysterical manner. Derek trying to motivate him like that just did weird things to him. He wiped a fake tear away and turned to the older man, “And one day someone will meet you and think to themselves, I want me some of that forever.”

“Classy.”

Stiles shoved him playfully in retaliation. “So, I guess we both just have sucky lives.”

“I thought we established that years ago.”

“But come on, man! Balance and all that. Aren’t we supposed to have bad things on one hand, but good things on the other hand? We were supposed to at least have some good ass romance up in here.”

“Can’t imagine why no one would fall in love with you,” Derek deadpanned.

“See? No one would want that.”

“Oh shut up, it’s not a pity party,” Derek said as he got up, making his way to the kitchen. “You want anything?” he asked as he started looking through his cupboards.

Stiles pondered for a moment. He was far for being tired, but a hot beverage sounded soothing. “Yeah man, coffee would be nice, thanks.”

Derek grunted in response.

Silence settled in between the two, as Derek meddled about in his makeshift kitchen. It was a comfortable silence, during which they both contemplated what had just transpired. It was a bit surreal to talk about feelings, but then again, it was from such an objective point of view that they both tried to see it as just another random subject. They ignored that it wasn’t. Love was a personal thing. It just was, no matter how you looked at it. Stiles clearly had some buried issues with it, and Derek had just too much experience to _not_ bury it.

It suddenly downed on Stiles that he hadn’t even asked Derek what he had initially came for in the first place. He craned his neck to look at the older man. He was already pouring coffee in their cups and he looked serene. Stiles' natural instinct to ruin it kicked in.

He cleared his throat. “So, what’s your take on soulmates then?”

Derek stopped mid pouring coffee and slowly turned to his friend, eyebrows high on his forehead.

“What?”

Stiles got up and joined Derek at the kitchen island. He hopped on one of the stools and reached for his coffee. He was lowkey pleased that he had his own cup.

“Yeah, no. I mean. That’s actually why I came here in the first place. Sorry for all that,” he gestured wordlessly at their unplanned love discourse, “but as I was saying, I was researching love, when I came across this whole concept of soulmates, and it’s actually quite different from love. Not only that, but apparently it goes way back. Like Ancient Greece way back. It’s the real deal, man.”

Derek regarded him unimpressed. “So you decided to trust the Greeks cause they’re rational people.”

“Apologize to Plato immediately.”

“I should start with Zeus then.”

“Cut the judgement, Derek. We both know they were the founders of the world as we know it today.”

Derek didn't even bother to point out the number of things that was wrong in that statement. “Alright, alright,” he rolled his eyes as he also took a seat on the opposite side of Stiles. “So you believe in soulmates, but not in love. Makes sense. What’s next on your topic list, Santa Claus?”

“Yet we both know he’s real,” Stiles muttered under his breath.

"Just because he was old, magical, and Russian, doesn’t mean he was Santa Claus.”

“How is this even a rational conversation?”

“Are they ever with you?”

“It takes two to play a game, Derek.”

“Children need to be indulged, Stiles. Otherwise they cry.”

“Never pictured you as the parental figure.”

“Yet you picture me in most positions.”

“Yeah, cause I can’t seem to find one that satisfies me.”

“Maybe it’s because not even my imaginary self can deal with your shit.”

“I _am_ a handful, I’ll admit as much.”

“Just get on with your story, Stiles,” Derek all but begged. He took a sip of his coffee and looked expectantly at his counterpart.

Stiles nodded aggressively, getting back on track. “Right, right. So back to my boy Plato. Apparently in his work Symposium, he talks about Aristophanes’ discourse on love, right? The story goes that once upon a time humans had 8 limbs and two heads. The gods were obviously like hell naw. So they went ballistic and split them in half. Hence, ever since we have been searching aimlessly for our better half.” He sat back and crossed his arms, expecting Derek to be impressed with that knowledge.

Derek squinted his eyes and titled his head. “Yeah I’m familiar with that story. What’s your point though? Because your buddy Plato is talking about love and soulmates as one concept”.

“Yes, yes,” Stiles was quick to retaliate. “But that was the beginning. I followed a timeline and with time people started playing with the idea that those two are different things. I won’t bore you with details, but-“

Derek made a show of checking his watch.

“-last week I came across this woman who goes on an extensive research to prove that soulmates may not be in fact the people that you end up marrying. Oh and wait.” Stiles got up from his spot, nearly spilling coffee everywhere, and made his way to his backpack. He rustled through papers and the most random of items, until he finally snatched out a crumpled paper, giving out a victorious yelp.

He rushed back to Derek and presented him the proof with a shit-eating grin.

Derek took the paper cautiously and began skimming through it. Stiles eagerly waited for his reaction. He was sure it will change Derek’s life. Point of it was, that if one waits for true love, that won’t happen most likely. And looking at Derek’s record, he sure as hell lost all hope. His friend deserved to be happy, which is why Stiles wanted him to see the light. Derek could easily have someone in his life, but without the stress nor effort of them being _it_. Love was rare at best, but finding someone that would be willing to share this temporary life with was plausible.

Soulmates basically lowered the bar because there were no expectations, other than feeling comfortable with the other person.

Derek finally finished and Stiles perked up. “So?”

The werewolf looked more confused than before, as he handed Stiles back the paper that bared the scribbled paragraph about soulmates.

“Makes sense, yeah. I guess a soulmate is more palpable than true love. Is that what you’re trying to tell me?”

“Yes! There’s hope, Derek!”

At that, Derek narrowed his eyes and his whole expression turned suddenly sour. He finally caught on. “For whom, Stiles?”

Stiles widened his eyes and began to slowly back away. _Shit_.

“For - for everyone! Isn’t that good news?” he nervously chuckled.

Derek got up as well and started inching towards Stiles. “So let me get this straight. You come here, you have a near breakdown because ‘no one loves you’, simultaneously preach that love is not real, but then you suddenly remember that you actually wanted to talk about ‘soulmates’ and how – oh wait, _those_ are real, so that in the end for me to find out that it was actually a grand scheme to get me to what? Start looking for a soulmate?”

Stiles backed up against the side of the couch. He gulped, but it wasn’t because he was scared. He was nervous. He hadn’t meant to make Derek angry – not this time anyway. And he hadn’t schemed either, but it’s not like he could have just strolled in like, soulmates are easier to be with. Find yourself one. Bye.

“That wasn’t my intention, Derek.” At least he got good at lying over the years.

“You’re lying.”

Well then.

“I just want you to be happy, man.” And that was certainly not a lie.

“And this is the only way that you could make me happy?” Derek asked hysterically.

Stiles was tempted to wiggle his eyebrows and give a coy answer.

He refrained from doing so.

“No, no, totally no! Look, Derek. I fucked up, but hear me out. This whole thing didn’t start because of _you_. I didn’t lie before – I really did research it out of curiosity. Then, when I found all that crap about soulmates, my initial thought was that I want to know more about it. So, I figured that maybe you’d have some books that touch on it, because it does fall under some kind of mythology. But then I thought of you, and well, I guess, it downed on me that maybe this could be an answer to your problem.”

Derek was silent for a second before narrowing his eyes. “What ‘problem’?”

Stiles unconsciously tried backing up again, but he was cornered. “I mean, just, you know, you’re alone all the time and you probably don’t even want to get back out there.”

Derek crossed his arms defensively, “I am alone, but I’m not lonely. There’s a difference.”

“I’m aware! But doesn’t it feel nice to know that maybe there’s this one person out there that’s inherently yours?”

“Bad wording.”

“You know what I mean.”

“Sure, Stiles,” Derek sighed resigned, “but according to the soulmate theory I should have already met mine by this age, and I don’t see anyone in my life that fits that description, so.” He shrugged and turned away, going back to his coffee defeated.

Stiles had a gaping mouth. “Wait what? You already looked into the whole soulmates thing?”

“Sure. I was also interested in it at some point, so I did my own reading,” Derek answered cockily.

It suddenly dawned on Stiles.

“You’re a werewolf,” he breathed out and proceed to plop down on the arm of the couch.

Derek looked at him. Making a sarcastic remark would not cover it.

Stiles shook his head. “No, but you’re a werewolf. So for you guys, things are different. You have a different approach to soulmates.”

“If you’re talking about mating for life-“

“Emissaries.”

Derek remained silent.

Stiles began to be more and more animated as he connected the dots. “You have a special bond to your emissaries. An unbreakable one. It’s an emotional tether that ‘reigns over time’.”

Derek chuckled drily. “Alphas do. Which I’m not. And while I do consider you lot my pack, we don’t have an emissary.” He paused. “And I’m pretty sure Deaton is not my soulmate, so scratch that off your list.”

Stiles looked down disappointed. He didn’t want to admit that maybe Derek was indeed screwed. (And not in the good way). What was even sadder is that he knew all this already. He had already given up.

Derek for his part, saw that Stiles was not taking it well and he felt bad for it. He didn’t know why, but there was something heart-warming about Stiles’ naiveté and backwards effort to take care of him. He was a good friend.

Well.

He was more than that.

“Anchors,” Derek said quietly.

Stiles immediately looked up. “What?”

Derek cleared his throat and stared in his now empty cup. “Anchors are another option. As I said, an Alpha and an emissary can walk on soulmate territory, but the rest of the pack doesn’t really have the same privilege. But what every werewolf does have is an anchor. You witnessed it – they can be anything, from inanimate objects to words or feelings. But every once in a while it can happen that a werewolf can find their anchor in another person.”

Stiles nodded with new found hope. “Scott’s anchor used to be Allison,” he confirmed the theory.

“Exactly.”

“So where does that leave you?”

“My anchor used to be anger.”

“Used to.”

Derek shifted uncomfortably. “I didn’t really need an anchor lately.”

“Yeah, but you can’t be anchor-less.”

Derek walked straight into it and he didn’t know how to back out. He knew the moment his anchor shifted, but the pack never got to find out. In hindsight, it wasn’t necessary and it’s not like he could go around announcing that ‘yes, hi, so I had a dream’. He wasn’t even sure of it at first, but after the whole Mexico fiasco with Kate, he began to be hyper-aware of what his wolf reacted to in the aftermath. And every time, it had been Stiles.

Derek didn’t allow himself at first to think about the consequences of that. He didn’t even dare to acknowledge it. Over time though, he got used to the idea and it pained him to admit, but it made sense. It was also convenient that he wasn’t put in that many life threating situations ever since. He didn’t need Stiles. Not physically. His presence was enough for him and sometimes, just the thought of the safety that Stiles gave him was enough.

But did that mean that they were soulmates?

Derek didn’t know and it was probably still early to tell. And it wasn’t fair to Stiles either. He had to go out and explore the world, find himself, get heartbroken a couple of times. Derek would never take that away from him. It was concerning though, that as he was reading that small paragraph on soulmates, his mind jumped straight to Stiles. It was a perfect reflection of his feelings.

Derek wasn’t in love with Stiles, yet he could feel the eternity of Stiles’ presence in his life.

“Derek?” Stiles asked with a concerned voice. “You alright, buddy? You spaced out for a second there.”

Derek smiled and waved dismissively. “Sorry, I was just thinking that you’re right. I do have an anchor but I’m pretty sure that it changed by now. Just didn’t get the opportunity to really find out who it is.”

“ _Who_? Derek, I hope you realize that this is officially my new mission. We are going to find exactly who this anchor is and then I’m getting my priest license and marrying you off.”

Derek couldn’t help but laugh at that, “Alright, Stiles. One step at a time.”

Stiles just smiled toothily. “Soulmates _are_ real.” He felt such a relief knowing that all of his research wasn’t for nothing. He was never crazy. Just overly-curious and even more bored. And Derek gave him something even more interesting to look into. He was excited.

“Well yeah, but still, Plato was full of it.”

“Yeah, two-headed creatures? Step up your game grandpa.”

Derek just shook his head fondly. Stiles was such a child sometimes.  

“Anyway, I have to get going,” Stiles announced as he got up and stretched. “Thanks for the insightful convo though”.

“Oh no, already?” Derek asked with mock-disappointment. He watched as the younger man gathered his things and secured his backpack.

“I have plans with my dad and I already stayed more than I’d originally planned to. But don’t worry, I’ll be back tomorrow,” he said with a wink.

“Why though.”

“Cause I’m such a fucking delight. Also, I still need those books, buddy.”

Derek sighed. “I’m stuck with you forever aren’t I?”

Stiles laughed boisterously as he made his exit just as unceremoniously as he came.

“ _Forever_.”

Derek didn’t sense any lies in Stiles’ confirmation.

 


End file.
